i didn't have any sleep at all last night. nada. went to bed around 10pm, woke up at 1pm and has been awake since. my mind wouldn't stop thinking and the voices in my head wouldn't shut up. yes, there are voices in my head. i'm not crazy, well maybe just a little...
for the past few months, i've been really stressed with work and mixing that with a toddler who is oh so cute, and has a lot of tricks up his sleeve, well, it just doesn't mix. i don't think i can ever be a successful full time working mom. i feel that my priorities have changed as the different stages in my life have presented themselves.
when i was single (a.k.a not married) , work was great. it allowed me to buy the things i needed for myself, boyfriend and family.
when i got married, shifting was still ok as hubby and i have been together for 13 years prior to getting married, we were used to each other's schedules.
when i got pregnant and gave birth, work was still ok but shifting was not. i felt that i needed to be with my son during the night. to leave for work while he was about to sleep was torture for me.
so i thought that moving to a morning account would end that. think again. now that my son is a toddler and going to school, the need for me to be with him is greater than ever. now, i feel that i'm shortchanging everyone. i don't want to feel guilty staying home with my son, but i do. i feel that i give less to the people i work with. and i feel that when i need to be at work for important meetings, i am shortchanging my son.
the past few days have made it clear to me, i'm slowly falling into fits of depression from all the stress, the worrying and that nagging voice inside my head.
i need to get out of this. i really do... soon!
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